“Ms. DoRight, I think my male roommate has been masturbating in the shower and failing to clean up after himself. On several occasions, I have walked into the shower after him and have seen a shampoo-like substance in the shower. However, I thought shampoo washed down the drain and wouldn’t be sticky.”
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Ms. DoRight,

I think my male roommate has been masturbating in the shower and failing to clean up after himself. On several occasions, I have walked into the shower after him and have seen a shampoo-like substance in the shower.

However, I thought shampoo washed down the drain and wouldn’t be sticky.

I cannot be sure what it is, but I don’t want to step in any of his man juice. Should I confront him and risk making a fake accusation?

Signed,

A Concerned Roommate

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Roommate,

This is a sticky situation indeed. Masturbating in the shower is one thing, but leaving the residue behind is something else altogether.

Should you decide to confront your roommate about this, and I think you should, you need to be certain that he is, in fact, slapping the sausage. The only way to really be certain is to spy on him. Or, you can take his leftover slime to a forensics laboratory to have it analyzed.

Once you are certain, your roommate needs to be confronted. It is rude for someone to masturbate in a communal bathroom.

If this makes you uncomfortable or disgusted, he should stop doing it, by all means.

Until you work up the courage to talk to him, there are some things you can do to make this situation more bearable.

First, there are many cleaning products that you can spray in your shower when you’re done showering. They don’t even call for a scrubbing; apparently they work on their own.

You could always buy a spittoon and position it close to the drain in the hopes that your roommate will start aiming his fire hose in that general direction.

Also, you could hang up some sort of waterproof photographs in the shower. I wouldn’t hang up anything that would encourage his behavior; rather stick with pictures of his mom, his grandparents and other old family photos.

If he’s religious, maybe try a picture of Jesus.

If you decide to do these things, remember that you are only sidestepping the problem. Sooner or later, you will have to say something.

If you don’t, your roommate might go blind. Or, someone could have a nasty accident.

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