Enough's enough, Seinfeld

“I come bearing tidings of moderate disappointment this week. Usually I exploit this space to pimp The Office. Not this week. The Office is going to exploit its popularity to pimp new characters who will be appearing in a spin-off. Good news: No one from The Office is leaving.”

I come bearing tidings of moderate disappointment this week.

Usually I exploit this space to pimp The Office. Not this week.

The Office is going to exploit its popularity to pimp new characters who will be appearing in a spin-off.

Good news: No one from The Office is leaving.

Bad news: Our loyalty is being used against us.

I expected better, I really did. Of course, I’ll remain an avid fan, but now I feel cheap and violated.

Speaking of feeling cheap and violated, how long is Jerry Seinfeld going to play on our deep-seated affection for all things Seinfeld?

Don’t get me wrong: If it’s to hawk grownup ventures, I’m on board. I think that’s been established.

But Bee Movie? Really?

The worst part of all this is that I’m so into Seinfeld, that I might actually see this damn thing. I just hate that he’s going to be able to get me into a theater packed with children.

Seinfeld! (Editor’s note: Clench fist and squint as you half-shout the name in frustration.)

Now, this is quite a leap, transition-wise, but…

I’m not sure why anyone wants to keep up with the Kardashians. Does anyone even know who they are?

I do, of course, but I’m old.

The Kardashians are descendants of Robert Kardashian, now deceased, who became famous for being a friend o’ OJ.

He read what was widely considered an OJ-penned suicide note on television shortly before the infamous slow-speed Bronco chase.

Anyway, is it just me, or does Khloe look like Chyna? Which means she basically looks like a dude in drag, or a chude. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if that’s what you’re going for. But I don’t think she is.

Somehow, somewhere, people were shocked to learn that Duane Dog Chapman is racist.

The executives at A & E, however, apparently were surprised. They’ve suspended production on Dog, the Bounty Hunter.

Chapman has already done the obligatory reaching out to Rev. Al Sharpton.

Now there’s an alliance I’d pay to see.

Maybe A & E could do a new reality show on that partnership. Glorious.

Not so fast.

You thought I’d be able to get through this rambling ADD-fest without mentioning her, didn’t you?

Wrong-o.

Let me state up front: I do not find Britney Spears’ custody problems fascinating or curious in any way, shape or form. I find it disgusting and horribly tragic for everyone involved. Well, except Britney, of course.

However, I do want to give credit where credit is due.

So, to whoever came up with the greatest celebrity-mocking moniker ever, my hat is off to you.

Unfitney?

I can only hope to come up with something that clever. It makes you giggle, right? Yeah, me too.