I met this great guy recently and now we’re dating. My friends are telling me that they are angry because I’m spending a lot of time with him, even though I’ve only known him for a short time, and am not making enough time for them. I make time for them during the week as much as I can, but in addition to a newfound love, I’m also really busy with work and school. Who’s in the wrong here? What do you think I should do?
I’ve been on both sides of this equation. When there is someone new in your life you want to spend as much time as possible with the person that wants to spend just as much time with you. You get the chance to explore together and do new things with someone who cares about you and really wants to make you happy in a different way that your friends simply can’t. However, how do you walk away from relationships with people that you’ve done life with during your hardest and best times?
Yes, you are ultimately looking for a future spouse when you date,
so it’s good to get to know them as best you can before making a choice that will change your life. What happens when that person is not the one for you? What happens if they leave you heartbroken and confused? What happens after you get engaged and realize “I need help with all this stuff I’m going to have to get ready for?” Or after you’re married and you realize that living with the same person 24/7 was a lot more to handle than you first thought?
Friends are a vital part of life. You can’t (and shouldn’t) rely on one person for all of your emotional, physical and mental needs because they will fail you and in the end, disappoint you. Friends can be people to vent and to be silly with, so go out and talk about the things that your love doesn’t care to talk about or knows nothing about. These are the people that are going to be your saving grace when you feel like you may burst from being with one person too often.
Get to know your interest, but not at the expense of your friends. Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket; you never know what will happen or if you’ll end up with this person or not. If you do, your friends will be needed to keep you sane; if not, your friends will be there to keep you from drowning.