This just in: Britney Spears is a mess

“I loathe to discuss Britney Spears, but she leaves me no choice this week. As the opening act for MTV’s Video Music Awards, she was an utter mess. Everything was off – her movements, her lip-synching, her whole demeanor. It removed all doubt that Brit has hit the wall and crumpled into a skanky ball of hopelessness.”

I loathe to discuss Britney Spears, but she leaves me no choice this week.

As the opening act for MTV’s Video Music Awards, she was an utter mess.

Everything was off – her movements, her lip-synching, her whole demeanor.

It removed all doubt that Brit has hit the wall and crumpled into a skanky ball of hopelessness.

She has problems, OK? We get it.

Shame on ratings-plagued MTV for exploiting this train wreck as a ploy to get an audience.

Don’t think for a minute that MTV – whose business is entertainment – thought that Spears was a wise and logical choice to open the awards show.

She hasn’t made a good decision in the past year or two, so it’s doubtful that execs thought she’d suddenly do the right thing.

Considering that Sarah Silverman followed Britney’s performance, it’s clear that this was a ploy to regain a decent audience and create a buzz.

If you missed Silverman’s comments, look for the video.

She said that Britney has already accomplished everything she is going to in her life, that her children are adorable mistakes and then she commented on Britney’s … hairless vagina.

Speaking of her vag, she was flashing that thing all over Vegas as she went clubbing after the VMAs.

She has a habit of going out panty-less and an even worse habit of getting out of a car much like a trucker would disembark from his rig.

What the hell?

I will say this: Silverman is pure gold.

I am happy to announce that the sixth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm appears to be pure gold as well.

It should come as no surprise that I am a big fan of the HBO series by Seinfeld co-creator Larry David.

The first episode has Larry trying to get out of party obligations by showing up the day after the party under the pretense that he has mixed up the date.

I threw in the stuff about Curb Your Enthusiasm to break up the sexual theme. Now, let’s get back to business.

Rita Cosby recently wrote a book about Anna Nicole Smith that claims Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern are gay lovers.

One passage alleges that Anna Nicole used to lie in bed watching a home video of the two men in her life getting it on.

Now that, my friends is pure gold.

Finally, if you’ve missed the photos of Vanessa Hudgens’ less-than-hairless vagina, they should be available on just about every Web site possible.

The Disney starlet apologized for the photos in which she is smiling and stark naked.

She issued a statement that said the pictures were personal and it is unfortunate that this has become public.

I can see why she would have thought that, as there is no precedence for naughty pictures being made public. Ahem.