“Ms. DoRight, My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to talk about his bowel movements in public. This is gross, but it gets worse. He also is convinced that the average 25-year-old man has accidents in his pants at least once or twice a year. At parties and other social events, he is never too embarrassed to tell everyone about his accidents.””
My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to talk about his bowel movements in public. This is gross, but it gets worse. He also is convinced that the average 25-year-old man has accidents in his pants at least once or twice a year.
At parties and other social events, he is never too embarrassed to tell everyone about his accidents. Is this behavior acceptable?
Mrs. Poopy Pants
Mrs. Poopy Pants,
Generally, fecal incontinence is not a laughing matter. I use the word generally because I am not accounting for comedic movies or other stage productions where characters might, on occasion, go in their pants.
In these cases, the bowel movement is most likely a staged event. It is funny only because it is not real.
In most settings, it is not appropriate for your boyfriend to talk about bowel movements, even if he is a parent of a newborn and wants to share the details of his baby’s healthy and colorful deposits. If he wants to share intimate details about his incontinence, he can arrange a visit with his primary care physician.
He could join an Internet chat group, which would provide access to people who share his interests in scatological humor.
A popular Web site on this topic is www.poopreport.com. This Web site also lists details and guidelines on Poop for Peace Day, a national event that takes place on April 13 of every year.
According to the Web site, this event seeks to achieve empathy through excrement. It is important to note that this empathy is achieved in the bathroom, not in the participant’s pants.
If your boyfriend prefers to continue bringing his embarrassing incidents into the public sphere, you need to tell him how much it bothers and humiliates you before it gets out of hand.
If people laugh at his stories, he might be misled into thinking that it is perfectly reasonable to poop and tell. When people laugh at your boyfriend’s stories, it is safe to assume that they are laughing at his expense.
Your boyfriend is incorrect to think that the average man has accidents in his pants once or twice a year. This type of behavior can hint at deeper physical and psychological problems, but it should be easy to overcome with medication and a well-balanced diet.
If his problem becomes serious, he should consider adult diapers. A more extreme solution would be a colostomy pouch, which can be changed when necessary.
However, from what you described, your boyfriend does not appear to have a medical problem. My sense is that he suffers from immaturity, a common disorder found in men his age.
If telling him how you feel does not work, give him a courtesy flush out the door.