” Ms. DoRight, Whenever I go to a party or out to the bar with my friends, it’s really hard for me to talk to people. I end up hanging out with my friends. But when they start mingling with other people, I get really nervous and shy. It’s like torture. I usually just stand off to the side.”
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Ms. DoRight,

Whenever I go to a party or out to the bar with my friends, it’s really hard for me to talk to people. I end up hanging out with my friends. But when they start mingling with other people, I get really nervous and shy.

It’s like torture. I usually just stand off to the side. I know people probably think I’m a snob, but I’m not. I’m just shy. How do I get over this?

Timidly yours,

Wallflower

Dear Wallflower,

Public speakers are always told to overcome their anxiety by picturing their audience naked.

Though being at a party or a bar does not always give one occasion to make a speech, this advice can be very helpful if applied to your situation.

Next time you’re at a party, take a look at the crowd and try picturing everyone naked.

If this makes you blush, or if it’s too gross, picture them in their underwear. This way, you can talk to people based on how you think they look naked.

This method is not foolproof. You might not always meet cool and interesting people this way because, looking good naked does not automatically make someone a good conversationalist. Use this method cautiously.

If you try this numerous times and it doesn’t yield any promising conversation or friendships, you will have to grow bolder if you want to meet new people.

Otherwise, standing in the corner and undressing everyone with your eyes will undoubtedly make you look like a snob. People will also start to wonder if you are a pervert.

Generally, people like to talk about themselves, probably more often than they’d like to admit. When conversing with someone, they will think you are showing an interest if you ask them questions.

You also have to pretend that you care about their answers, even if you don’t. Picturing them naked might make it easier to pretend

Conversation pieces are also a helpful tactic. Cell phones do not count as conversation pieces. Neither do iPods.

Adding a little flair to your evening outfit would work to your advantage.

Flair looks wonderful on the dance floor, too. If you can’t find anyone to dance with, dance alone or really close to another group of people.

Everyone looks like they’re having a good time when they’re dancing, especially people with flair.

Lastly, if it is simply too hard for you to break out of your shell, and it is too tortuous to hang out at the bar, try going somewhere else.

Most of the time, it is a lot easier to engage in conversation when you don’t have to shout to be heard.

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