The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

Fleming's Fury

“A couple weeks ago a friend of mine alerted me to the existence of a new street drug called Jenkem. I thought that he was making it up. There was no way something so ridiculous could be real. But it is. If you have a weak stomach, don’t read the next paragraph.”

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine alerted me to the existence of a new street drug called Jenkem.

I thought that he was making it up. There was no way something so ridiculous could be real. But it is. If you have a weak stomach, don’t read the next paragraph.

Jenkem is human waste. It is produced by letting fecal matter and urine ferment for a couple days. Users place a balloon over the top of the bottle so it will capture the gas, then huff it.

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What the hell.

I’ll be honest, I always thought that this country was doomed because of how weak and dependent on technology today’s youth is. Now they are huffing their own waste to get high.

That should be a fun presidential debate here in about 20 years.

You see … I made jenkem … I just never inhaled it.

Great, a whole generation of losers who hit that sweet butthash all because they want to hallucinate and talk to the dead. That’s right, people who use ol’ LeRoy Jenkems claim they talk to the dead.

Could it be because parts of their brains are being killed off and the brain is forced to reroute functions through old memories, so that it seems they are talking to the dead? No … can’t be that.

Who knew that if you wanted to talk to a long lost relative or friend, all you had to do was store your waste in a Pepsi bottle.

Someone alert Doc Brown that the Flux Capacitor has been replaced by Fruit from the Crack Pipe.

People are idiots. This is a fact. Maybe these kids should do us a favor and start playing Russian Roulette. Any one who huffs their own waste is just that.

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