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The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

Lackluster April at the box office not a joke

“Believe it or not, April is already upon us. You can count the number of weeks left in the semester on one hand. The sun is beginning to shine. The ground is beginning to thaw. And yet again, the stubborn dreariness of early-year releases cling to their final foothold.”

Believe it or not, April is already upon us. You can count the number of weeks left in the semester on one hand.

The sun is beginning to shine. The ground is beginning to thaw. And yet again, the stubborn dreariness of early-year releases cling to their final foothold.

Hold on moviegoers – our blockbuster-filled May is almost here. Until then, check out our lackluster April Movie Preview.

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 Despite poor box office return and critical disparagement, studios everywhere maintain that teen horror movies are a decent investment to make.

In any given year, the public must endure three or four total abominations of film making, and that includes the horrific (in more ways than one) yearly installment of Saw (fear not for the fifth installment hits this fall). But 2008 is determined to raise the bar.

April is serving up not one, but two depraved, not to mention low budget, thrillers.

I wish this was just a late April Fool’s prank, but sadly, Dreamworks really has funded The Ruins.

Based on real life events…OK so I am totally joking, based on the twisted inner-workings of Scott Smith, author and screenwriter, The Ruins follows a group of college students on vacation in Mexico. But after exhausting the typical fares and fun of the glorious beaches, our team of twenty-somethings embark on an archeological dig.

Unfortunately, a merciless and gruesome evil dwells beneath the surface of these ruins. So it’s Club Dread meets Turistas?

Great – hated them both. I figure the detestability can only grow exponentially.

The Ruins hits theaters tomorrow.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. On the 11th, Brittany Snow hits the silver screen for the first time since Hairspray in Prom Night. Already it sounds like an R.L. Stine book I read in junior high. And basically, it is. Donna (Snow) has had a turbulent past, but finally thinks she’s placed it all behind her. But at midnight on the night of her senior prom, this carriage certainly does not turn back into a pumpkin.

Instead, a sadistic killer begins to unleash hell upon the teens and Donna must come face to face with the horrors that have haunted her for so long. 

Much like how I wonder how Uwe Boll continues to get funding, I’m flabbergasted on how Keanu Reeves continues to get starring roles. The man’s got absolutely no acting chops what-so-ever.

Thank God House’s Hugh Laurie is on board in his new film Street Kings or I might have found no reason to even spend time researching this film.

Reeves stars as Tom Ludlow. Much like Snow in Prom Night, Ludlow has a bit of a haunting past himself.

Following the death of his wife, Ludlow has been struggling to find his career path. But in the wake of a fellow officer’s death, Ludlow finds himself in an investigation where all fingers point back to him. Now he must regain his composure to come face to face with a world he thought he knew and challenge loyalties he thought were ironclad.

With a great supporting cast including Forest Whitaker and Common, I can’t completely count this one out. Kings takes the throne on the 11th.

Every once in a while, I must set aside my anal retentive tendencies of critiquing films and just enjoy them for the mindless entertainment that they provide. I intend to do that for one film this month: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

The brilliant thing about this film, and its predecessor, is that it does everything it can to not take itself seriously. And that works for me.

John Cho and Kal Penn are back in the shoes of our voyaging stoners. When we last left Harold, he had finally mustered the courage to talk to his long time love Maria.

But their budding relationship is put on hold when she leaves for Amsterdam for a semester abroad.

The sequel opens as both our pot-smoking slackers hop aboard a 747 en route to visit Maria. The glitch? The bong the duo had attempted to smuggle aboard.

Accused of being terrorists, the twosome must run from the joint and prove their innocence.

This is one joint you can’t afford to pass.

Check it out on April 25th.

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