“What specific elements make up a really crappy movie these days? Is it the blood and gore or suspense? What about irony? You can find all of these in the new remake of Last House on the Left. Yeah, the father’s a surgeon and if you know anything about the plot of this movie, you now understand how convenient that actually is.”
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What specific elements make up a really crappy movie these days? Is it the blood and gore or suspense? What about irony?

You can find all of these in the new remake of Last House on the Left.

Yeah, the father’s a surgeon and if you know anything about the plot of this movie, you now understand how convenient that actually is.

I won’t give away any of the magnificent scenes in this movie, but I will at least tell you that the best killing involves a microwave.

Speaking of horror movies, how many can you possibly base on a true story? With as many movies as there are claiming to be true, you’d think by now I would have come across at least one exorcism or haunted house.

If I had, then I’d definitely have something way more interesting to write about. I’ve got a true story for you.

If you want to scare yourself, hop in a car and just try driving through the Cleveland streets during the St. Patty’s Day parade. How long it will take you to get to your destination, or if you’ll be able to successfully avoid hitting a drunk person. Now that’s suspense!

If you want scary elements, you can top it off with a video of my road rage after someone managed to hit my car and get away with it.

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