“If you haven’t been watching The Two Coreys, shame on you. Somehow, this show was renewed for a second season, which was odd, considering that Season One ended with Corey Haim (aka the Haimster) calling Susie Feldman the B word. Susie is married to the Haimster’s life-long friend, Corey Feldman (aka Feldog).”
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If you haven’t been watching The Two Coreys, shame on you.

Somehow, this show was renewed for a second season, which was odd, considering that Season One ended with Corey Haim (aka the Haimster) calling Susie Feldman the B word. Susie is married to the Haimster’s life-long friend, Corey Feldman (aka Feldog).

The two had not spoken in six months. As they prepared to meet at a diner to hash things out, Feldog delivers his best line yet: It’s two Jews in a diner. How bad could it be? Classic.

Anywho, the two have decided they need to work on their relationship, so they start going to couples counseling. Priceless.

Second best moment of the season? While in his trailer on the set of Lost Boys 2 (it’s already on DVD, folks, hurry!), microphones picked up what sounded suspiciously like the Haimster crushing a pill and snorting it. For the record, he also couldn’t remember any of his lines, was slurring his words and looked out of it.

The best moment? Feldog springing an impromptu intervention on the Haimster several episodes later. Who was present, you ask? Pauly Shore. And Todd Bridges, aka Willis of What chu talkin’ bout, Willis? fame.

The Haimster flipped out and left. Normal reaction for someone who doesn’t have a drug problem. That episode ended with Haim screaming at the Feldmans that he never wanted to see them again. Time for Season Three!

As the world knows, the most popular couple on the planet, Brangelina, had two more kids, Vivienne and Knox, in July. Snore.

They’ll probably adopt another child within the next six months, and maybe we’ll see another baby bump about six months after that. Repeat. Brangelina having/adopting kids should not really be newsworthy at this point, am I right?

Of course I am.

Matthew McConaughey also had a baby over the summer. Well, his gorgeous Latina model girlfriend did. McConaughey explained why they named their son Levi.

Levi was another name for the apostle Matthew in The Bible. They were, in fact, two names for the same person.

Our son was born at 6:22 p.m., and this particular time represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in The Bible: ‘If thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.’

Um, OK.

The new parents issued a statement that said something forgettable about Levi and life and living in it with him, or some crap. They closed it with, In the meantime and at all times, just keep livin.

Ya gotta love the fact that McConaughey is quoting himself in Dazed and Confused.

Comedian George Carlin died in June. That’s probably not all that relevant to you, but if I mention it, I can also mention his claim to fame.

You know, the Seven words you can never say on television routine. Here goes. Sh**, p***, f***, c***, c***s*****, m*****f***** and t***.

Buchtelite editors censored that, right? Of course they did.

When Carlin said them at the Milwaukee Summerfest in 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws.

Months later, the case was dismissed. The judge declared Carlin’s language was indecent but not obscene.

Several years later, his routine made news again when the U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 decision, solidified the authority of the government to regulate the airwaves in search of indecent material. You’ve heard of them. The FCC.

You might not know anything about George Carlin and you might not even care about him, but you should.

He relentlessly challenged censorship, arguing it is based on the assumption that people cannot make reasoned choices.

By the way, if you’d like to know what seven dirty words you can never say on television, I know where you can read them, uncensored.

They’re included in the appendix of the Supreme Court opinion, FCC v. Pacifica.

Priceless.

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