The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

PICK YOUR POISON

“In this world of change where little, if anything, lasts, annual holiday traditions keep us grounded. Take Halloween, for instance. Whether this Friday’s forecast calls for rain, snow or tornadoes, one thing is for sure: there will be no shortage of pumpkins, fun-size candy bars, naughty nurse costumes and, of course, scary movies.”

In this world of change where little, if anything, lasts, annual holiday traditions keep us grounded. Take Halloween, for instance. Whether this Friday’s forecast calls for rain, snow or tornadoes, one thing is for sure: there will be no shortage of pumpkins, fun-size candy bars, naughty nurse costumes and, of course, scary movies.

Your local grocer or convenience mart can supply you with the first two and Hot Topic has your back for the third, but where do you turn for the fourth? Is there someone out there who loves horror movies so much that he or she has taken the time to screen dozens of films for the sole purpose of making recommendations? Could there be someone so pathetic?

Er, on that note, here are Hollywood’s best slashers and screamers of the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s and today.

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1970s

The Exorcist | R (1973)

The best of the best, period. Then again, you can’t go wrong with a young Ellen Burstyn, an even younger Linda Blair, and the entrancing melody of Tubular Bells. As a word of caution, however, stay away from the many sequels and prequels to this film. All of them pale in comparison to the original.

Carrie | R (1976)

Think prom night from hell. To date, pig blood has yet to be used to better effect. After having watched this film several times, I can’t help but wonder which is scarier – Carrie’s puritanical mom, the evils perpetrated by Carrie’s peers or the things that her teachers get away with (including cursing at and/or slapping students as well as smoking while on-the-clock).

The Omen | R (1976)

The devil visits earth in the form of a young boy whose father is an American diplomat. Can you say Antichrist? What The Omen lacks in graphic violence it more than makes up for in psychological thrills and edge-of-your-seat suspense.

Halloween | R (1978)

Easily one of my top five favorite horror films of all time. Though gore does have its place in Halloween, the movie features far more mind games than it does pools of blood. The then-svelte Jamie Lee Curtis performs convincingly, her character is neither too smart nor too stupid. My only gripe with the film is that most of Michael Myers’s kills seem, on average, just a bit too easy. I mean, c’mon people, lock your doors! Then again, it was the ’70s…

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Texas Chainsaw Massacre | R (1972)

Wicker Man | R (1973)

1980s

Friday the 13th | R (1980)

Jason Voorhees and, of all people, his mother brutalize several young adults who attempt (unsuccessfully, of course) to resurrect and re-open a derelict campground. Like Halloween, this film establishes a strange correlation between sex before marriage and being barbarously butchered. Abstinence first, kiddies!

Shining | R (1980)

Jack Nicholson, as a writer by the name of Jack, agrees to act as the winter caretaker for a soon-to-be snowbound hotel. As the white piles up, ghostly spirits wreak havoc on Jack, clouding his mind and strengthening his resolve that his family must die. It is during his subsequent hunt that the iconic ax-through-the-door moment Here’s Johnny! occurs.

Children of the Corn | R (1984)

Okay, so this film’s ending is not exactly great. Oh, who am I kidding, it’s downright awful. Still, there’s something about adolescents wielding machetes and scythes that is profoundly disturbing.

Nightmare on Elm Street | R (1984)

Freddy Krueger may live in nightmares, but he stalks in reality. The blurring of nightmare and reality is what makes Nightmare on Elm Street a classic.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Changeling | R (1980)

Poltergeist | PG (1982)

1990s

Silence of the Lambs | R (1991)

Unsettling doesn’t even begin to describe this film. Jodie Foster delievers an Academy Award-winning performance, as FBI agent Clarice Starling. By enlisting the help of America’s favorite cannibal, Hannibal Lecter, Foster tracks down a wickedly disturbed serial killer. If it was good enough for the Academy (it won the top five awards that year), it should be good enough for you.

Se7en | R (1995)

Features some of the most creative ritualistic murders (outside of the Saw franchise, that is) ever to have graced the silver screen. Join Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt as they seek out the kook behind the killings.

Scream | R (1996)

To think it all began with Drew Barrymore and a pan of Jiffy-Pop…

This is a modern horror classic and should not be missed! Find out what happens when a bunch of ditsy teenagers give in to the temptation to answer what seems like an ever-ringing telephone.

The Blair Witch Project | R (1999)

Like it or not, The Blair Witch Project blazed trails in the horror genre, being the first of its kind-that is, a mockumentary filmed by faux amateurs or so-called real people. As long as you can tolerate its intentionally shoddy camera work, you’re in for a treat. If, on the other hand, you find yourself feeling nauseous, be sure to stay away from the likes of Cloverfield and Quarantine, two other films that feature Witch-like camerawork.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

I Know What You Did Last Summer | R (1997)

Audition | UNRATED (1999)

2000s

One-Hour Photo | R (2002)

Have you ever gotten the feeling that one of your public acquaintances-you know, like that overly friendly server, cashier or pharmacy technician-wanted to be more than an acquaintance or friend? In One-Hour Photo, Robin Williams is that person, and he’ll do anything for your attention. Anything.

Saw | R (2004)

The first movie in what is presumed to be a six-part series. It is here that we first meet Jigsaw and learn of his games.

Vacancy | R (2007)

Imagine it’s early morning and you encounter car trouble on your way from one sleepy town to the next. You stop at an otherwise deserted motel and receive a complimentary upgrade to the honeymoon suite. There you encounter a TV with a VCR and several unmarked tapes. Recorded on them are killings, dozens of them, all of which took place in your very room. When you try to leave, there are maskedpeople, who will you to stay.

The Strangers | R (2008)

Of all the films on this list, The Strangers boasts the absolute best story arc. Perfectly paced, it transitions from exposition to rising action, climax and falling action with grace, with style and, above all, with butcher knives.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Final Destination | R (2000)

The Grudge | PG-13 (2004)

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