“Ms. DoRight, I recently got engaged and, don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy about it. The thing is, my fiance thinks he is kind of a hippie. See, he doesn’t wear deodorant. Apparently, he doesn’t think he needs it, but he does. He definitely does.”
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Ms. DoRight,

I recently got engaged and, don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy about it. The thing is, my fiance thinks he is kind of a hippie.

See, he doesn’t wear deodorant. Apparently, he doesn’t think he needs it, but he does.

He definitely does.

It’s not really proper to point out if a person smells, is it?

How do I gently tell my sweetheart that his pit stains smell?

Thanks,

Mr. and Mrs. Smell

Mrs. Smell,

Congratulations on your engagement to the smelly man. Sounds like you two will be happy for the rest of your lives.

First, there is nothing inherently wrong with your fiance’s decision to forego deodorant. It’s his decision to sweat that makes this a point of discussion.

A lot of hippies go without deodorant. A lot of non-hippies do, too. Some people are very happy with the odor of their own sweat. Some people, like you, have to deal with those consequences.

Most deodorant and antiperspirants on the market are not the safest beauty products for a person to apply on their underarm area. That’s very sensitive skin, you know. It doesn’t help that most deodorant products have aluminum as a main ingredient.

Aluminum, as you know, can cause Alzheimer’s. Now, would you rather your fiance have an unpleasant smell, or would you rather him forget your name?

However, even in light of the dangers of underarm products, your fiance’s smelly preferences are unfounded.

Perhaps, as a wedding present you could purchase aluminum-free deodorant for your husband to be. Aluminum free deodorant is not an antiperspirant, so your fiance won’t stop sweating, don’t worry about that.

He can still be a hippie. It will just give his sweat a pleasant smell. Buy something that smells outdoorsy, he’ll love smelling like a woodsman.

If you are a smart woman, this will be an engagement present, or maybe even a just because you smell gift.

In the meantime, discourage any extraneous movement on your fiancee’s part. Too much movement will make the sweat glands overreact.

Try waving his incense stick under his armpit, but take care not to catch the arm hairs on fire. If there’s one thing that smells worse than human sweat, it’s human flesh burning.

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