To all the single ladies (and men)

“Single people across the nation are currently in mourning. Not because they long to be in a relationship, but because of the depressed feeling within them that Hallmark and Hershey’s thrive on during this time of year. In celebrating Valentine’s Day, members of the single community tend to sit at home, order take-out and cry themselves to sleep while watching The Notebook.”

Single people across the nation are currently in mourning. Not because they long to be in a relationship, but because of the depressed feeling within them that Hallmark and Hershey’s thrive on during this time of year.

In celebrating Valentine’s Day, members of the single community tend to sit at home, order take-out and cry themselves to sleep while watching The Notebook. Some choose to spend the night with Ben and Jerry rather than go out with friends or family. But in and around Akron are a variety of alternatives to keep their minds preoccupied on Feb. 14.

Harry London Candies

And so the story goes: boy is holding a heart-shaped box, girlfriend assumes this box is her gift and boy loses possession of chocolates he bought for himself. For men, the beauty of being single means there will be no such communication problems this year. Women: who says you have to wait for this chocolate-interception to curb your craving? Venture to North Canton and choose from a selection of delectable treats. Nothing says I love myself like a box of chocolates.

Funny Stop Comedy Club

Those of you who aren’t single by choice this Valentine’s Day may need cheering up during the 24 hours dedicated to lovers. Grab a friend and head to Cuyahoga Falls to see the Sandman, the world’s number one comedy hypnotist. If you’re lucky, your friend will confuse the tears running down your face for tears of laughter. A word of caution: volunteering to be hypnotized is not recommended, for fear your bitter subconscious will tell the lovebirds in the audience exactly what you think of them.

Monster Jam

If tears aren’t your primary form of emotional expression and you feel more outraged than sad, redirect your anger through a healthier channel. Journey to Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland and watch the motorsport event for a mere five dollars. As monster trucks are crushed and destroyed, try not to compare them to the state of your heart after your last breakup.

Salon and Day Spa

The day is dedicated to making sure you feel pampered. When you’re lacking a significant other to perform this pampering, it’s time to take matters into your own hands and pay someone to get the job done. Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure, massage or facial. Men, don’t rule this option out. Women appreciate a well-groomed man, so take this opportunity to show the ladies what they’re missing out on.

Whether or not any of these events sound appealing, they’re sure to provide more entertainment than Ben and Jerry can offer. And who knows, maybe by the end of the night you’ll meet a potential valentine for 2010.