“I have a lot of things to cover and little space to do it in. Grand Theft Auto IV was released this week. It looks bad-***. That’s all I’m saying. It’s true: I am a fan of GTA. Surprised? Please, no comments about how the series glorifies violence and objectifies women.”
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I have a lot of things to cover and little space to do it in.

Grand Theft Auto IV was released this week. It looks bad-***. That’s all I’m saying.

It’s true: I am a fan of GTA. Surprised?

Please, no comments about how the series glorifies violence and objectifies women. I’ve heard them. We’ve all heard them.

A sex tape that supposedly stars Jimi Hendrix was also released this week. Some say it is, some say it isn’t.

Either way, it’s $40 for 11 minutes of a guy who may or may not be Hendrix having sex with two women. Not really worth it, in my opinion. And, no, it’s not because I’m anti-porn.

There is word that a Marilyn Monroe sex tape was recently purchased by a New York businessman. It’s 15 minutes long and shows Marilyn engaging in oral sex. So far, he has no plans to put it on the market. Wh-wh-what? Come on, man!

Robert Downey Jr. may have resuscitated his career with Iron Man. It looks to be pretty decent. And, it features Black Sabbath on the soundtrack. Can you go wrong with that?

It looks like Vanity Fair might be appealing to a whole new audience this month. The magazine features a provocative photo spread of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus. She is topless, covering herself with a sheet. Lovely.

Wesley Snipes was sentenced to three years in prison for tax evasion charges. It turns out, he’s one of those. You know, the ones who say that income tax is unconstitutional because the amendment was never ratified and thus Americans are under no obligation to pay the IRS. You know, kooks.

In his defense, Snipes was officially sorry and provided the court letters of support from … Woody Harrelson and Denzel Washington. This begs of two questions. First, why is someone of Denzel’s caliber vouching for Snipes? Second, in what universe is a letter of recommendation from Woody Harrelson a good thing?

If you were lucky, you caught the Paula Abdul train wreck on American Idol. There was dead silence as she rambled on, clearly confused and out of it.

Speaking of Idol, the predictable Simon Cowell-Ryan Seacrest interactions are getting old, really old. Let’s be honest, here: Idol has jumped the shark. Time to go.

And, last but not least … my final Jason Taylor report of the semester. What is there to say, really?

I don’t think it’s any secret that I think JT is smokin’ hot. Thank you, DWTS, for having him on this season. I only started watching the show late last season because the Marie Osmond silliness drew me like a moth to a flame, but now I’m sold.

This week, Cristian ruptured a tendon and had to end his performance early. He then said that he wanted to continue the competition – and delay his surgery – until the viewers voted him off. Wow. That’s … dedication. To DWTS.

If you missed the Results show, you missed Dance Center. Good stuff.

While many of you might not have enjoyed Def Leppard – or known who they were – I appreciated it. And, yes, the drummer has one arm. Don’t ask.

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