“So you don’t like scary movies. You’re not alone. Too many men (though they may not outwardly admit it) and women live in fear of the Halloween season when they may be forced into sweating out a Wes Craven production or two. But heaven forbid you fall completely out of the Halloween spirit.”
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So you don’t like scary movies. You’re not alone.

Too many men (though they may not outwardly admit it) and women live in fear of the Halloween season when they may be forced into sweating out a Wes Craven production or two.

But heaven forbid you fall completely out of the Halloween spirit. Perhaps this list of alternatives will assist you in walking tall at the end of these next few weeks with no nightmares, no fits of terror and no skid marks in your Hanes.

They’ve come in the Night. They reappeared at Dawn. They’ve haunted our Day. George A. Romero and his Living Dead have successfully infiltrated every hour of our existence.

However, the depiction of a 9-year-old impaling her parents with a trowel and devouring them, such as in the original Night of the Living Dead, isn’t on everyone’s must-see list.

For those looking to stay in the spirit of the undead, check out Shaun of the Dead. Rated in the top 10 best horror movies of all time, Shaun takes a completely different approach to zombie movies.

Shaun’s life sucks. His girlfriend has left him. His best friend is an indolent waste of space. He leaves his mediocre apartment for a dead-end job every morning and the Winchester Pub every evening. And the world is about to end. Literally.

When the entire city of London reanimates from the depths of the grave to devour the remaining survivors, Shaun must take radical, and often comical, action to rescue his mum, his ex and himself from the zombies.

Written with Britain’s exquisite dry wit and humor and brilliantly acted by the comic duo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, Shaun is sure to provide enough laughs to help you giggle away the fright.

How do you handle the creepy-crawlers? The slime-enveloped fetus-like monster curled up in the GI-tract of some unfortunate soul just flips the switch for some people.

OK, so the Alien quadrilogy doesn’t do it for you. Would you take your slime with a gi-normous side of hysterics?

While remaining true to the effects of such classics as Alien and The Host, Slither injects its own brand of comedy into a gross-out goo-fest. In Wheelsy, aka Podunk, USA, pets, livestock and women turn up missing.

Of course, the inhabitants start acting strange. And when the mutilated forms of these missing entities show up dispersed throughout the town, the townsfolk come to the realization this organism is bent upon the absorption and consumption of the entire planet.

The apocalypse has never been more humorous. With the comic genius of Nathan Fillion and the director of the 2004 smash remake of Dawn of the Dead, Slither is sure to bust your gut in more ways than you would want to imagine.

I hate clowns.

There, I said it.

They kind of make me want to crawl into the fetal position and cry. So, naturally, movies like It or Killer Clowns from Outer Space don’t really appeal to me. Try an entirely different form of circus freak entertainment.

OK, so this one is a bit of stretch, but for the amount of make-up required to turn Tim Curry into Dr. Frank-N-Furter, he might as well be one fabulous clown in fishnets and pearls.

In the cult classic of all cult classics, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Frank-N-Furter unleashes the sexual desires locked deep inside our hero and heroine of Brad and Janet.

In an uproarious send-up of the sexual liberation of the 1970s, this cast of future megastars lights up the screen in a frenzy of flamers in platforms performing such classics as The Time Warp, Rocky Horror is sure to chase away the fears of one cold stormy night.

There are so many alternatives to fight the fright, so fear not faithful fans and Happy Halloween.

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” #1.1361618:65827472.jpg:Slither.jpg:Brenda Gutierrez (Brenda James) and Grant Grant (Michael Rooker) in ‘Slither.’:MCT”