When hairy met sammie

Written by: Abigail Chaff

The face of someone who has just found a hair in their food may be the most priceless face to behold. It is inevitably going to happen to you. No one is immune to the horror that is a loose hair, or even a bug in your just-purchased meal. Even when you are at home and you know it is just your mom’s hair, an uneasy feeling comes over you.

I feel like a spoiled American, complaining about bugs in my soup when some people’s dinners are bugs, but I can’t help it! It makes one’s stomach turn to think of opening a box of beef fried rice and finding a cockroach.

No one can say they really don’t mind when they find a hair in their Subway sub, which is exactly what happened to our Arts & Life editor Monday night. After seeing the hair, he attempted to pull it out, but it seemed to be the never-ending hair: it just grew and grew out of the meatball.

Of course, this kind of thing happens all the time, and it doesn’t happen on purpose. But it leaves one to wonder how many things you accidentally digest with your premade meals.

It’s amazing how quickly your appetite can leave with the sight of one long, curly hair sticking out of your sandwich. The first glimpse of a foreign object in your food squishes the face and sends out squeals of terror.

This sadly reignited the Buchtelite staff’s distaste for the campus’s food services. The appearance of the hair stopped production for a full 10 minutes while we all wriggled in disgust. It seems that the quality of our campus dining is falling.

Try getting chicken on top of your pasta and tell me how much of it you can swallow. Just last week, I ate Ohio Burger and had a stomachache that lasted two days. I ended up paying $11 to feel sick.

I must say that when Beau took his hairy sandwich back, they gladly gave him a new one and apologized for the inconvenience. Usually no cook purposefully adds an inedible ingredient, but the least they can do is to give out a new meal.

So thank you, Subway. Thank you for ruining all of our dinners, and thank you for making the world right again.