The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

The Editorially Independent Voice of The University of Akron

The Buchtelite

Outsiders' Challenge – Kiel

“It may have been a bye week, but the Browns still squeaked out a win. Granted, it was a Cleveland Browns paper football, but whatever. After that lame Indians game I need all the positive Cleveland spin I can get. Bosma never stood a chance in this competition.”

It may have been a bye week, but the Browns still squeaked out a win. Granted, it was a Cleveland Browns paper football, but whatever. After that lame Indians game I need all the positive Cleveland spin I can get.

Bosma never stood a chance in this competition. While we were searching for a quality table in the Student Union to play on, I told him I had to use the restroom. Like the trusting person he is, he didn’t even think to follow me in there. Big mistake.

It was at that time I used my secret weapon, knowing that it would propel me to the win.

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During the actual game, we were pretty evenly matched. The playing surface was solid and there were no outside factors so it would have to come down to who executed better. Today I was on top of my game.

Not even a Rae Carruth-allegedly-hired hit man could slow down my field-goal kicking. One after another I pounded them through the uprights with the force of a hurricane and the accuracy of an army sniper. For this brief moment, I was football Jesus.

In general, Bosma was as shaky as Michael J. Fox off his meds when it came to kicking. From a fumbled field goal to a one inch kick off, it was the special teams that doomed Tony.

50-42.

Game, set and match.

Its seems that there are some rumors going around in regards to my win and wether or not it is ligitiment. There is no proof I used that stuff. Everything I do is legal and any substance I take is from a doctor’s order.

My game is all natural, and that is the truth.

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