“Unlike my fellow departing co-workers, I think goodbye columns are kind of foolish. This is mostly because I already wrote one a couple semesters ago. It’s kind of funny how things don’t always work out that well, isn’t it? Anyway, you’re probably here for pop culture, wacky jokes and self-deprecation.”
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Unlike my fellow departing co-workers, I think goodbye columns are kind of foolish. This is mostly because I already wrote one a couple semesters ago. It’s kind of funny how things don’t always work out that well, isn’t it?

Anyway, you’re probably here for pop culture, wacky jokes and self-deprecation. After all, I have written more than 100 of these Rants and Raves columns and that’s what seems to be the most popular thing to do. When you can’t laugh at yourself, it’s probably best to laugh at some nerd with his picture in the paper, I guess.

I haven’t written one of these columns since February, which is strange since I used to write one a week. It’s always nice to come back to what you liked in the first place, so on with the criticism and praise for the last time:

Rant: What a dour start. I have become a curmudgeon at far too early an age.

Rave: Deadliest Catch, the Discovery Channel show about boatfuls of burly guys fishing for crab in the Bering Sea, is incredibly intriguing. I’m not sure what is so interesting about watching a bunch of mustachioed men risking life and limb to catch pricey shellfish, but it’s great.

Rant: Unfortunately, watching Deadliest Catch makes me long for eating crab legs. This is bad for two reasons. First, it’s fairly obvious my waistline is better off without crabmeat drenched in butter. Second, shellfish too often leads to some kind of weird stomach flu. That happened to me last weekend, and it was awful. Just when I thought my body expelled every fluid possible, there was more. Lots more. Apparently, eating crab defies science.

Rave: After taking a few years off, the White Stripes recently released their new single, Icky Thump, which reminds me of a Frank Zappa tune. It’s nice to hear Jack White’s guitar wailing away again after being toned down on the Raconteurs album.

Rant: Although, now that I’m thinking about it, I’ve missed a lot of stuff working at the Buchtelite every Monday and Wednesday night. Specifically, I’ve never watched an episode of Lost and I missed my favorite band, TV on the Radio, at the beginning of the semester.

Rave: Luckily, this is the last Monday or Wednesday I’ll be here. That means I’ll be able to see plenty of bands on both days.

Rant: Wait, almost no good bands play on Mondays and Wednesdays. Foiled again!

Rave: I got my mangy hands on a copy of the new Wilco album, Sky Blue Sky, in stores May 15. Jeff Tweedy has one of the best voices going. No singer can evoke emotion like Tweedy does. If you liked either of the last two Wilco albums, check this one out.

Rant: Actually, me saying goodbye columns are foolish was dumb. Writing this, I thought about all the neat interviews and weird situations I found myself in for the paper. It has never paid well and people come and go quickly, but there’s a weird attachment that I’ll miss. Then, I start thinking about all those people like Martin Cizmar, the person who gave me my shot. Or Mike Rasor, Mike Hixenbaugh and Andy Downing, whose fantastic work has always made me want to try harder, or Emily Dressler, Kristin Snowberger, Brian Bardwell and Beth Galambos, who always made my writing better.

These people, and many others, have shaped the Buchtelite into what it is now – which is hopefully something you can enjoy on Tuesdays and Thursdays. More important to me, they’ve all become my friends, for the most part. They’re what made Lost worth missing.

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