Ms. DoRight

“Ms. DoRight, My roommate walks around the apartment naked after he takes a shower. He doesn’t get dressed for at least 20 minutes. He acts like it’s completely normal, and he will watch television with me or play video games. Sometimes he eats naked, too.”

Ms. DoRight,

My roommate walks around the apartment naked after he takes a shower. He doesn’t get dressed for at least 20 minutes. He acts like it’s completely normal, and he will watch television with me or play video games. Sometimes he eats naked, too.

Now, I like being naked as much as any other guy does, but I think there’s a time and a place for it. He makes me uncomfortable and I’m afraid that he’ll keep doing it. Am I just being uptight, or is he being rude?

Yours,

Boxers or briefs, either is fine

Dear Boxers,

You are not being uptight. It is not normal for a naked person to spend more time than necessary in the company of a clothed person.

Well, some people do this; but, usually they are strippers, prostitutes or entertainers. For better or for worse, they are paid to be naked.

Your roommate, I presume, does not earn a paycheck this way. If he does, the money certainly is not rolling in while he’s rocking out to Guitar Hero in his apartment.

If it is difficult for you to tell your roommate that his twig and berries are a problem, there are a few other things you can do. However, these things will not stop the nudity, but they will make it slightly more bearable.

First, borrow some plastic slipcovers from your grandmother. This way, if your roommate sits down, all you have to do is wipe the area off with an all-purpose cleaning spray. Wait until he stands up to do this.

Second, you could start wearing a baseball cap indoors to shield your eyes from the view. I know that your parents probably told you that it’s rude to wear a cap indoors, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

This brings up another point. You could start using extremely flammable chemicals while in the presence of your roommate’s captain and shipmates.

Generally speaking, most men seem to hold their dangling participles in high esteem. Chances are, your roommate will cover up the president and his cabinet at the first inkling of danger.

Also, you could make him feel self-conscious about the size of his Douglas Fir. During a lapse in conversation, start singing I’m a Little Teapot, or any other nursery rhymes that could be interpreted as suggestive.

The easiest solution is to buy him a bathrobe. This is something you should take care of before Thanksgiving rolls around.

A man should never have to watch a naked man eat mashed potatoes and gravy.