Girl about Campus: when in Kolbe

Written by: Helen Dauka

Have you ever come across a building or a part of campus and thought, “I had no idea that this even existed”? Or said, about the building that houses your major, “I basically live in that building”? Personally, being a Communication major, Kolbe Hall has become my second home.

I’ve heard, said, and thought these things many times myself. It makes me wonder what else I don’t know about on campus. There are probably guys hidden across campus in all of those buildings that you didn’t know existed.

So on behalf of the less adventurous (and maybe more fortunate), I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned about University of Akron boys over the years. I’m cataloging them by major. Please feel free to disagree and to feel slightly offended.

1. Political science — The poli-sci guy: Dresses like he’s going to a casual meeting 90 percent of the time. He’s nice enough and very inoffensive. He has hobbies like golfing and tucking in shirts. But don’t be fooled. The poli-sci guy turns on his nice guy act like it’s his job (because one day, it might be). You can never really tell when it’s genuine nice coming at you, or when it’s fake.

2. English — Creative. Moody. Sensitive. He will open the door for you and walk you to class, even though you’re not in high school. If you had a locker, he would totally lean up next to yours and wait for you. Emotions are worn on the sleeve with this one.

3. Business — CBA (College of Business Administration) guys: They will be nice to you, just like poli-sci guys. The difference is that the CBA guy DEFINITELY wants something from you. And I don’t even mean this in a dirty way. It could be the book for a class you both have, half of your pizza,  the number of someone you were in class with once, or maybe just for you to do most of the work for a group project.

4.  Art — I’ve heard from non-art majors that they were surprised when they met art school kids. There is a common misconception that creativity goes hand-in-hand with open-mindedness. Wrong! Art school kids are judgmental and narcissistic, and are just waiting to tell you what’s wrong with your work. But this kind of attitude is reinforced over in Folk through class rituals called “critiques.”

5. Public Relations — Get ready to have your socks charmed off. PR boys can easily become the teacher’s pet. They’re always eager and willing to volunteer answers in class with nonchalance, and you are somehow spared from being annoyed by them. And there’s not much competition for them. Typically, for every 15 PR girls, there is one PR boy.

6. Engineering — Their homework is ten times harder than yours. They’re smart. Smart enough to get, and make, good jokes. But they are so tragically boring.

This list is extremely brief, and I know that there are so many other men out there to be cataloged! But I’ve only been at Akron for three years — I can only meet so many boys! I know that this list will come off as very inaccurate to many people, but a word of advice to all underclassmen: Enjoy those gen eds. Not just because they’re easy, but because you will meet THE MOST RANDOM people. Once you start into your major, you’re basically stuck taking classes with the same people, and you will forget any others ever existed.

Yours truly,
Girl About Campus