Confessions of a Barista

Written by: Anonymous

First off, let’s be clear:

As a barista at a rather well-known coffee shop, I have had the privilege of experiencing all of the joyous flaws of the human race. And let me tell you: nothing brings out the worst in people like a $5 latte. I will use this opportunity to share with you those experiences, so you can learn to redeem a small piece of humanity.

The coffee shop has become a universal place where people congregate to discuss the comings and goings of life, or to exercise solitude among the hustle and bustle of commerce and culture. As a barista, I have had the joy of witnessing some rather interesting, insulting and jaw-dropping behaviors that have caused me to seriously question my faith in the human race.

For example: during a rush, there can be 10 or 11 drinks lined up for a barista to make. At that point, the pressure is on. For not only are we to produce the beverages, or bevs, at a superhuman rate, they also have to be the best-tasting drinks your customer has ever had, or you’d best believe that you will be making it again… and again… and again, until they storm out and call corporate in order to receive free drinks. Or until you cry. Either way, they satisfy themselves and leave with a smug smile.

One of the most annoying and unnecessary things customers like to do is to bring their drinks back and tell us it wasn’t made correctly. This will happen a ghastly amount of times during the day. There’s a solid chance that you are incorrect. Yes, baristas are human, but we’re good. We are $5- or $6-per-drink good. So when you come in and tell us that your drink wasn’t made right, you might as well call us idiots to our faces. This, in turn, makes us angry, which, more than likely, will result in your beverage being made with decaffeinated coffee.

Far too often, people allow their entitlement to get in the way of civil behavior. We see it every day, and we honestly do not understand why coffee can cause people to be so rude. So the next time you indulge in your favorite handcrafted coffee beverage, remember: baristas are people too. And unless you want decaf, be nice.

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