Dear Miranda: What is true love?

Miranda Roth

What is true love?
This is the question that drives everyone to either hide or go on the hunt. Honestly, true love doesn’t happen in a day and it isn’t something that you feel either. This is the biggest lie that we believe. We think that true love is something you know; that it’s something you feel, you don’t have to work at it, you’re soul-mates and nothing can come between you!
I’m not putting down all those hopeless romantics out there, so don’t get me wrong. Sometimes things work in mysterious ways. However, let’s look at the non-media view of what it’s like to have true love. It takes sacrifice and selflessness. It means putting the other person in front of you and placing your needs and wants aside. True love means not expecting anything in return. Doesn’t sound so fun, right? When you and your significant other work at this and are both trying to please each other, then it sounds a little bit better. It’s a two-way street and you can only give so much of yourself before you need to be appreciated for the things that you contribute to the relationship.
True love is hard. If you use reality and fact in a relationship, the feelings will follow. If we go into a relationship with our feelings first, our facts and reality become different than what is really going on. We lie to ourselves about any issues, and we get hurt because our feelings have caused us to look the other way in the beginning.
I challenge all those out there dealing with relationships to look at the facts and make an accurate decision based on them while guarding your heart in the process. Once you know the reality of who the person is and you feel you can be safe in allowing yourself to be selfless with this person, then the feelings will follow. This is the best kind of love: a love where you build your soul mate, not just leap into a relationship with anyone that tickles your fancy, then realize who they really are later and are stuck because you’ve already invested so much time with them that it would hurt too much to break up.
Loving is as much about using your head as it is about using your heart. Start rewiring the way you think about love and relationships today; it will save you a lot of hurt in the end and you will be a lot closer to having true love as well.


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