Pumpkin spice NOT-te

Written by: Abigail Chaff

Fall is quickly approaching and is bringing with it some favorite things. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the long wait through winter for the heat of summer. Summer is the best: the days spent lying by the pool, getting tan, not having classes…

Then fall comes, and suddenly it’s everyone’s favorite season, even though it only lasts about a month. But I’m tired of fall. I’m sick of seeing everyone’s Facebook posts about all their favorite things to do in fall. I’m not afraid to admit that I spend a good deal of time stalking people on Facebook — don’t lie, you do it too. Status after status lists all the wonderful things to do in fall.

Well, I don’t care about fall. I don’t want to know that you are excited to drink pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks with your friends while you wear those sweaters you’re FINALLY able to get out, as if there were never times before fall that were cold.

I think the picture on Instagram of your dog in a skeleton costume is dumb. Seeing your newborn in an orange and black outfit doesn’t make me any more excited than I will be when you post a picture of your newborn in a green and red outfit for the next holiday.

All the girls get pumped up for the battle of “Who can be sluttier?” on Halloween night. I totally understand how fun it is to hurt your feet in stilettos while you freeze to death all night, trying to look cute for drunken frat boys.

I know you and your boyfriend are going to have a blast picking out pumpkins, but I don’t
need 50 pictures of your day together.

I know, I know. If I don’t care, then I shouldn’t look. But Facebook is my best distraction from all of the other things that I have to do, like cover my house in fake spider webs.

All I’m saying is, understand that no one cares about your love for the smell of leaves, because we all love it. We can all walk outside and experience the change of the season. If it’s not possible to stop gushing about fall, at least stop complaining about winter when it inevitably comes… at the end of fall… like every year… because we live in Ohio.